New Vision

Farther back than I want to admit, I gradually began taking life on a need-to-see basis.

Remarkably, unlike my siblings who needed eyeglasses in grade school, I had exceptionally good vision well into my 30’s.

I remember one First Day of School in our newest neighborhood at the time. I wanted to look cool. I seriously was not, so I borrowed my sister’s new glasses from her. I can’t imagine what I was thinking, but after one morning looking through her glasses, imagining her worldview without them gave me a whole new understanding about Sister.

From then on I was proud of my amazing eyesight.

By twenty-five I had survived a parent’s suicide, became an abandoned spouse and a single, working mom. Blind, raging ambition driving me, I became a force to be reckoned with, and a Tiger Woman in the business world.

As a teen I’d turned my back on the God I’d heard about but didn’t see much of growing up in church. Decades later around the same time my eyes began changing, transformation also started in my stony, little heart.

As my vision began fading, the whole world seemed different.

After surviving a car collision that actually should have killed me, God had my full attention. I suddenly got over being angry at Him. Days later I longed to meet the Jesus I’d heard about years before.

Forget a nonchalant shrug, that day Atlas actually gasped. Sure, I didn’t suddenly decide to change. God had pursued me for years as He gently guided me along, but that’s a different story.

I began to realize all I had given up on as a child – thinking I’d imagined what I had once believed. I was thirty-something and already survived more anguish than most people can imagine.

Once I actually met Jesus I fell completely in love with Him. Weeks later I walked away from my high-paying, misery-generating job and law school. Hours afterward a heart attack pinned me to the floor, but I wasn’t afraid, worried or nearly done yet.

I was saved.

Everything in my life changed dramatically. Everything included needing glasses to read. And then for driving. Soon I needed trifocals.

Certain of God’s love for me and having good spiritual vision was genuinely life changing. I no longer needed to watch my back – for the first time since I was a kid, I knew God did. Like everyone, I continued to experienced more losses. Still, I stopped dreading what each new day might bring. And I no longer need my amazing eyesight to survive.

With God watching me closely, life on a need to see basis actually works for me.

How do you get through hard times?

“He (Father God, my Shepherd) renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.” Psalm 23: 3, 4 (NLT)

 

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13 Comments

Filed under Notes from the Apex

13 responses to “New Vision

  1. Thank you. I praise God that I now have a blog connection with you. Oh how much in the days we are living in is the ABSOLUTELY CERTAINTY of including HIM in all areas of life. It often takes the deep, deep valleys for Him to get our attention but nothing can stop His Love or His Desire to give us ABUNDANT LIFE while we are here on Earth in an through all our CIRCUMSTANCES. Blessings and Grace. If you ever want to visit my website which is all about Him in my ordinary life it is http://www.Sacredmusings.com I will return to your site it. Your story will encourage others. Blessings and Grace.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a great story! Only someone who is connected to her creator could thank Him for a car crash. But that was your wake-up call. Glad you didn’t hit the snooze button. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What an incredible life you’ve had. I don’t know how I get through hard times, I suppose by telling myself it won’t last forever. I’d like to think God watched over me, even if I don’t know it.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This made me think of the song “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone…”
    I’d say what gets me through hard times is remembering how I did before, with God by my side. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  5. In the worst of times, I accept that it’s God’s will. That truly gets me through.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Prayer. I had an ocular occlusion (stroke in my Left eye) when I was 49 back in Nov. 2008. High Blood Pressure sent me to the hospital. My numbers were so high that the nurses wondered why I was still alive. Fortunately I had the stroke at work otherwise if I had it at home I would have died being that I lived alone at that time. For an entire year all I saw was light and dark out of my Left eye. It was a big adjustment because with only one working eye you lose depth perception. Meaning you can’t tell how far away things are. Many times I nearly fell down the subway stairs and nearly got hit by cars. Yes I still had to go to work nobody was going to take care of me. I had to depend on my co-workers not to inadvertently kill myself.

    By January 2009 my retina specialist told me that the only way I could regain some of my eyesight was to have surgery. It was scary and frightening. I cried. Cried for my parents who had been dead many years. My eye doctor was Jewish but one thing he said to me was, “Do you believe in God?” Usually doctors don’t say such things but he told me to put my trust in God. I got myself to his office the day of the surgery. It took 30 minutes and I was awake the entire time. Went home looking like the Mummy’s Bride. Had to get myself food and return to have the bandages removed. Doctor’s warned me that my vision would not be perfect. Not like in the movies when the characters says, “I can see!” However I can see shapes and colors. No details. Vision is blurry because part of my retina came away from the eye. However something is better than nothing. I still have trouble going up and down stairs/steps but as you get older you have to adjust to life as it is not as you wish it to be. Also the human brain is powerful. Because I saw well the first 49 years of my life my brain fills in the picture of what I should see. The human brain has the power to readjust to most disabilities. I have no problem walking around my Brooklyn neighborhood without my glasses. Even taking the subway for short distances. Now if I have to go into Manhattan Yes I will put on the glasses for safety. Thank God for Audio Books and Kindle. Regular Traditional print books are not my friends anymore. I can Listen to the Bible and any other books since it is difficult for me to read print type. I recently joined Wayside Baptist Church near my home and I’m taking the New Members class. I need to be part of a church family being that other than my brother Stephen I have no living immediate family.

    The Sister in Charge of New Members sees my struggle and has offered to enlarge the materials for me. Fortunately Thanks to My Mother who taught me to read at around age 3 or 4 and all those Bible Study classes when I was young. I’ve memorized most Christian songs, hymns and Bible Scriptures because I cannot participate in the responsive reading. I’m also thankful that there are other people in the congregation with visual impairments or other disabilities so at least I can be accepted.

    Liked by 1 person

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