Tag Archives: humor

Proof

Just about the time I wondered if I could stand any more snow and ice the sun came out. Annnd now we have mud. Rather than cave to the despondency of a sad anniversary, I began my spring cleaning with my cyber space.

Essentially I cut and pasted my way through years of Facebook photos, notes and posts. The jury’s still out as to whether it was time well spent (since I haven’t gotten to WordPress yet), but I have indeed laughed.

From a Facebook meme:

I’m relieved to see I’m not the only one that forgets to proof before posting.

Have a great week!

“We all stumble in many ways…”

James 3:2 (NIV)

Featured Image courtesy Productivetothemax.com

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Notably Resounding

Aside from my physical addresses much has changed in my life since I first developed What Next. Other things remain the same.

This goes with some of my friends too. For instance, not only Christi at Feeding on Folly but also K. at The Blackwall Blog both recently blogged about their updates and changes.

Now they have me considering the inordinate amounts of stuff I’ve been hauling around for years. Things like my boxes of notebooks and journals.

With that I revisited my post from September 15, 2014. Again*:

Zoe couldn’t talk yesterday, but this morning we caught up. Unlike many of my friends and family these days, Zoe and I occupy the same time zone, so we don’t miss discussing much.

Fast forward 150 minutes; epic – even for us. We touched all bases; our work, families, mutual friends, political and social concerns. Then, for fun, we skimmed back over my notes from our past year’s conversations.

Yes, I keep notes, chronologically sequential, cross-referenced and color coded – on everything. This not only helps me keep my mind in the present reality and off the stories in my head, but has occasionally proven I heard someone right, long after the fact. I’m amazed at how much more important this becomes the longer I practice aging. Who knew aging well takes considerable practice?

Mostly my notebooks reveal I’m in better shape than I thought.

So… you may be thinking.

So, my thoughts today address perception and how my amazing, adult sons more frequently than ever suggest I’m either confused about statements from previous talks or I wasn’t listening to them. Always me.

How I imagine my boys and me chatting.

In all fairness, from my trusty notebooks, our typical conversations appear compressed into time restraints and are profoundly multi-directional. Still, though the subjects get jumbled a bit, I pen the statements accurately. Days or weeks may lapse between contacts, but when I need to be certain (even if only for my peace of mind), most often I am rectified.

As I am now cresting the peak of mid-life this is a kind of a big deal. More than ever before God draws my attention to details. Perhaps that’s because modern medicine has forced us to monitor ourselves and each other. The especially savvy peri-senior is watchful for symptoms of dementia, senility, disease and unnecessary stress.

Today God hath revealed unto me (okay, according to my notes), both Zoe and I are in good shape; at least between our ears!

Today.

“Blessed are those who keep [God’s] statutes and seek Him with all their heart – they do no wrong but follow His ways.”

Psalm 119: 2&3 (NIV)

 

*I’d already edited and liked today’s repost that includes friends, etc. Then I noticed “(3)” in the Permalink. I think everyone appears better in this version, so I tweaked the title and then ran with it. You be the judge.

Images courtesy Pixabay

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Hit the Brakes

Is it just me or the is it the world around me?

This week we have some major factors working against one another:

  • Time change – do NOT get me started on how ridiculous it is to continue this practice.
  • Files disappear and then reappear again
  • I gave up coffee – Patricia, you’d be proud of me.
  • The back castors fell off my mobile, stand-up work station – they simply fell off within 24 hours of one another. Enter now the 2nd week of dialogue with Houzz customer service reps.
  • Intermittently soggy socks now bring to our attention the fact that last summer’s repair work hasn’t entirely prevented melting snow from trickling across my kitchen and bathroom floors

And finally, with spring 8 (count them, eight) days away,

  • We have an ice storm, followed by even more snow.

Yes folks, Snowmaggedon 2019 Hoodies are selling like hotcakes at Amazon.

So, finally finished dealing with customer service reps while stepping around my desk, I realized I had skipped right over my quiet time with God – a huge faux pas. This practice reminds me I’m not God – we know this because for years I tried to be God, only to prove I suck at it. That valuable life lesson cost me some twenty years of my youth, so I’m shocked when I slip back there again.

So, late into this morning I was feeling a little frustrated, isolated and, I admit, slightly neglected when not one response to this morning’s post appeared anywhere.

I grabbed the only cell device that was not charging and saw I hadn’t received the notification advising me about my most recent scheduled post…

This, friends, is why paper calendars can be problematic. Our phone calendars simply do not mislead us. At that point I was shamefully near panic mode, sprinting around the cottage in search of a pair of good glasses. Passing a mirror I realized I really must stop.

Just stop.

“I said, ‘You are my servant’;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.*”

Yep. I’d scheduled today’s post for tomorrow. What would have been today’s post is now rescheduled. So now I’m going to go make a snow angel. Or maybe something else that doesn’t require keying or more puddles.

The entirely silly point to sharing all this:

My life is good. I can slow down or stop without fear of hurting or harming anyone. And the world will keep going. God has this, so I needn’t try to control it. My loved ones are all well, I have food, a warm home, a car… I’m breathing deeply.

Peace, my friends!

*Isaiah 41:9(b)-10 (NIV)

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For Cryin’ Out Loud

I don’t know how I managed to do it – yet again. I somehow pasted my first draft over my final text of Friday’s Soundings post and inadvertently posted the former instead. Those who use the phone app may understand my frustration.

MY POINT HERE BEING I enjoyed getting to the final so much I couldn’t bear to deprive readers, at the very least not the old cartoon clip halfway through. Besides, it’s Saturday and I rarely, if ever post on Saturday. So, for pity’s sake I posted it again below:

Commence snarky remarks. I sure would. As always, it stays between us.

Soundings

All day today sounds of spring either startled me or repeatedly distracted me from whatever I was doing.

EARLY THIS MORNING:

LATE THIS MORNING:

Today’s experience was brought to us by weeks of averaging low 30-something high temperatures with flurries and freezing overnight, and then today – temps rose to the mid 40’s with wind! By mid-morning snow and ice began melting – very quickly.

Suddenly there was frequent, unexpected banging of snow. That’s right, snow rudely pounding. Okay, snow, ice and icicles crashing to the ground – did I mention loudly? We’re talking great weights of compressed fluffy whiteness, layered with glistening, multi-colored ice, thundering against the exterior walls.

About the third time I had to detach my claws from the ceiling, I began to get annoyed.

That got me thinking about some of my attitudes and habits – the ones I usually wouldn’t notice. God forbid we settle for less than what He wants for us just because we’re set in our ways.

I’d gotten used to sliding around on the snow and ice and layering clothes to keep from freezing. So what if I likely spent an hour a day layering the bulky, cumbersome dressings on and off? And even with excellent treads on my boots I had to step very, very carefully, avoiding that whole gravity/lost-balance thing. Still, I had it all under control.

Like the way I adore cinnamon rolls with my coffee. Despite their high carbs and starches, mine are basically heart healthy – I reasoned – so I made them every day. For months. ‘Til my clothes no longer fit…

Still, I didn’t want to give them up. God had to force me to relate the extra weight to my painful hips and knees before I surrendered.

But today there were sounds of water steadily trickling onto hard surfaces and splattering against the walls. And bright sunshine!

Soon little stream-like waterways trickled along the slopes of the hundreds of yards of pea gravel that Cole had just begun to level as the snow began to fall.

Finally, droplets of water from the roof caught the mid-afternoon sun, creating a cascade of minuscule rainbows. At least the droplets appeared on camera, even if the rainbows didn’t.

Me being fifteen pounds lighter now, I couldn’t resist the sunshine any longer. For the sheer pleasure of it I stepped outside in my short shirt sleeves to take it all in and shoot the excitement around me.

Now, this is my kind of winter. Finally!

*

“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.”

Romans 12:12 (NLT)

*Image and featured image courtesy ABSFreePic.com

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Soundings

All day today sounds of spring either startled me or repeatedly distracted me from whatever I was doing.

EARLY THIS MORNING:

LATE THIS MORNING:

Today’s experience was brought to us by weeks of averaging low 30-something high temperatures with flurries and freezing overnight, and then today – temps rose to the mid 40’s with wind! By mid-morning snow and ice began melting – very quickly.

Suddenly there was frequent, unexpected banging of snow. That’s right, snow rudely pounding. Okay, snow, ice and icicles crashing to the ground – did I mention loudly? We’re talking great weights of compressed fluffy whiteness, layered with glistening, multi-colored ice, thundering against the exterior walls.

About the third time I had to detach my claws from the ceiling, I began to get annoyed.

That got me thinking about some of my attitudes and habits – the ones I usually wouldn’t notice. God forbid we settle for less than what He wants for us just because we’re set in our ways.

I’d gotten used to sliding around on the snow and ice and layering clothes to keep from freezing. So what if I likely spent an hour a day layering the bulky, cumbersome dressings on and off? And even with excellent treads on my boots I had to step very, very carefully, avoiding that whole gravity/lost-balance thing. Still, I had it all under control.

Like the way I adore cinnamon rolls with my coffee. Despite their high carbs and starches, mine are basically heart healthy – I reasoned – so I made them every day. For months. ‘Til my clothes no longer fit…

Still, I didn’t want to give them up. God had to force me to relate the extra weight to my painful hips and knees before I surrendered.

But today there were sounds of water steadily trickling onto hard surfaces and splattering against the walls. And bright sunshine!

Soon little stream-like waterways trickled along the slopes of the hundreds of yards of pea gravel that Cole had just begun to level as the snow began to fall.

Finally, droplets of water from the roof caught the mid-afternoon sun, creating a cascade of minuscule rainbows. At least the droplets appeared on camera, even if the rainbows didn’t.

Me being fifteen pounds lighter now, I couldn’t resist the sunshine any longer. For the sheer pleasure of it I stepped outside in my short shirt sleeves to take it all in and shoot the excitement around me.

Now, this is my kind of winter. Finally!

*

“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.”

Romans 12:12 (NLT)

*Image courtesy ABSFreePic.com

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A Revised Beaten Path

Updated from 2015:

walk

Despite my rebellious nature, I’ve become a slave to routine. Where my young, healthy body once took life as it happened, I now must deliberately prepare myself for each day. This takes me considerably longer now than ever before, even longer than when I had my four young boys in tow.

With the aging process grinding away on my physical self, my routine somehow became unforgiving and unappreciative of my mental self. One little skip can result in an almost immediate blunder, frustration and sometimes bruises.

The new routine is grudgingly predictable:

1. Wake up – This can take a while.
1.1. Take a thorough inventory of every joint and vertebra, then gently move them.
1.2. Be sure my brain is also awake enough to rise without injuring myself or others while getting to the bathroom and then the kitchen. Prayer typically comes into play here.

Note: I’ve come to accept (not like) the sometimes intimidating, frightening, occasionally surprising, (and embarrassing when involving witnesses,) waking process. I often inadvertently successfully integrate other tasks – mostly for fun. I.e. Prayer while in bathroom. Shame or pride? Omniscient. Omnipresent. Look them up.

2. Clean soot from floor and counters. Wood stove heat. Enough said?
3. Water and coffee (slamming sixteen ounces of water before coffee seems cruel, but empirically it’s a good practice).
3.1. I like Krups (yeah, when affordable).
3.1.1. Who are we kidding? Refillable K cups require forethought and more motion. Default to Mr. Coffee pot and microwave to reheat.

4. Bathroom time. Again, this could take a while.
4.1. Contemplate actual need for visible eyebrows.

5. Fuel – The most forgiving point, interchangeable with items 4 – 4.1. Rather than burn muscle on my power walk, I must force down food and supplements.
5.1. Disregard notion about forgiving. Do not forget fuel. (Um, I’m Out of Gas – Again story (c) 1995).

6. Stretching – With bursitis, tendinitis and joint pain I’ve learned to not minimize the importance of stretching or give into temptations to “stretch as I go”.
6.1. There are better ways to meet the neighbors than screaming, “Call 9-1-1,” from the ground.

7. Sun block. Should have learned about skin cancer attending grade school in central Arizona.
7.1. By this point the searing sun will be above the tree line. Surgical excisions are costly. Do not trifle with this.

8. Lace up, walk toward door.
8.1. Yes, you turned off the lights. If you left the coffee pot on, you need another one anyway.
8.2. Everything else can wait an hour, continue walking through the door.
8.3. Just walk away.

9. Incorporate socializing and checking on family while warming up (before heavy breathing begins).
9.1. Offspring and siblings sufficiently annoyed. Now punch it, Chewie.

10. Shower, deodorant, lotion, dress, then get to work.
10.1. I work at home, clothes are optional.
10.1.2. Gravity is rude. Forget 10.1.

All of this reaffirms my philosophy: Relax and enjoy the ride, no one gets out alive.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.”

2 Corinthians 4:16 (NKJV)

Go Readers. Redefine life along the way.

 

Featured image courtesy Pixabay

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Feel Warmer Yet?

We interrupt this cold spell to remind you summer will be here before you know it.

“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.”

Romans 8:18 (NLT)

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Squirrely

So, for the third time since fall CableCompany is telling us demon squirrels have destroyed the FIFTEEN-OR-SO-YEAR-OLD lines. Now they say they are replacing all the cables in our entire area.

Whatever.

What this means to us:

Our strongest INTERMITTENT speeds have been even less than our usual sub-standard (1.29MPS down/1.08MPS up) all week. So, I’ll be taking a long weekend to continue working my mobility and dexterity. I’m glad to realize improvement over last week. I also want to say that if I was sure 60% is God’s will I’d accept this as my new normal.

Not. Feeling. That.

I’ll keep you posted. Meanwhile, have a great weekend!

“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.”

Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

 

Image courtesy Pinterest

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Off Day


Semi-awake for what seemed like moments, but was actually hours, something told me today was going to be different.

There was no golden light flickering from the stove, so I’d slept far later than usual. Only my body’s natural functions urging me toward the bathroom roused the slightest inclination to move.

*

I tried to think… Soon enough I had all the numbers right in my head.

The fall happened 15 days before. For several days any movement sent bolts of pain rocketing through my left arm and torso. With that I re-evaluated my priorities. For the first three days you can believe I took Flexeril morning and evening. After that I needed my brain back.

14 Days ago:

  • I wake feeling thankful that God spared me any skeletal damage.
  • AND THEN I attempt to move. BIG MISTAKE. I’m certain everything from my lips down broke. Where’d that doctor buy his credentials anyway?
  • Despite the alarming scream Cole heard from the main house (barn cats – honest), I assure him he can leave for work – I have his number and am not afraid to use it.
  • I thank God I can walk. And I’m thankful for ice packs (and did I mention Flexeril).
  • I’m very thankful for all the leftovers I routinely store in the freezer. And disposable dinnerware can be a good thing.
  • Note to self: Replenish Cole’s picnic supplies.

12 Days ago:

  • Tried to tie my long hair with one arm. There are worse things than loose hair. Everywhere.
  • Keying hurts no matter how I position the keyboard. (Note to self: Practicing Speech-to-Text will help build the S-T-T vocabulary.)

11 Days ago:

  • Thank God for automatic transmissions! Drove myself to church.
  • Note to self: Get over yourself. Allow those who offer to help me. just say thank you

10 Days ago:

  • Stitches came out of my face.
  • I dare anyone to try applying ointment and butterfly closures twice daily – with one arm blocking the mirror.
  • Makeup?  Oh, funny girl! BwaHaHaHa!

5 Days ago:

  • I daydream about cutting and donating my hair sooner than I’d planned – before the fall.

4 Days ago:

  • Almost 50% range of motion on my left arm and shoulder.
  • This helps explain why the right arm aches too.

2 Days ago:

  • My Doctor and I got to chatting and forget all about my injured left arm. Until she raises it.
  • We’re both over it now.

This morning I realized that for 15 days I kept up with my routine single-handedly taking only two extra hours per day AND I’ve expanded my Speech-To-Test lexis.

Thanks God!

Once I fully wake today I shall enjoy a special day off to simply be.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never grows faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding. He gives strength to the weary and strengthens the powerless.”

Isaiah 40:28, 29 (HCSB*)

*Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers, Nashville Tennessee. All rights reserved.

 

* Image (c) 2019 RapturePractice! Pub.

All other images courtesy Pixabay

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Pretense

In memory of the recently recycled HealthriderPro let’s revisit a not-too-distant ruckus:

For weeks we’d been juggling some items between the main house and my cottage. We replaced my long craft/dining/kitchen table with a far more accommodating 41” round table. It’s not the drop leaf kitchen island I envision for the area – yet – but this certainly frees up more floor space.

And then Cole announced he must find a place for his treadmill.


After a quick flashback of the previous year’s exceptional weather I told him, “I’ll figure something out.”

With all the bells and whistles of a gym-quality machine, his Healthrider Soft Strider Pro is wide and sturdy, so it’s heavy. With the handy space-saving fold-up track it’s awkward to haul – especially over the gravel driveway.

After ten days of the treadmill and its electronic controls waiting under a moving pad – in the heat, the voices in my head got loud:

She canna take any more, Captain.  She’s gonna blow!”

Not willing to ignore Scotty, I devised a plan to move the obstacle that strong, fit Brother left by the porch steps (I’ve learned not to ask silly things like, “why,”).

With some boards over the gravel and an appliance hand truck I slowly, carefully rolled the treadmill through the car door into the cottage. Don’t be impressed – it’s all about leverage. Fine. Leverage, balance and the Luck of the Irish.

Once inside I needed to position that mammoth monolith for use with the least amount of effort. This was tricky. I needed it where I could view my 32” television/computer monitor, but not obstruct the flow. Feng Shui, people.

So, this is the part where I realize one of the wheels that would ordinarily move the thing easily over the concrete floor are jammed, immovable.

“Where’s the damn antimatter inducer, Chekov?”

That’s when I remembered a technique a friend described years earlier after her family had purchased a somewhat dilapidated farm house. After repeatedly asking her husband to fix stuff, and allowing a reasonable waiting period, she went all strategic.

Like FarmGirl described, I pulled out my tool box and every power tool I could get my hands on and tactically placed them around the treadmill, slightly obstructing the doorway. And then I waited.

As FarmGirl said,

“Nothing motivates men faster than the sight of  a woman with power tools.”

I’m not sure if I would actually have tried to fix the wheel myself, with or without the circular saw or grinder, or not. But I am now convinced that

sometimes a good pretense makes the best offense.

That evening, after a pitcher of iced tea Cole had the treadmill rolling easily. I can now jog to my heart’s content while catching up on my favorite audio books, programs and movies.

 

“The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.” Lamentations 3:25, 26 (NLT)

 

Featured Image courtesy ABSFreePic.com

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