Tag Archives: humor

Late March Moon – Walk #12

Dawn broke despite my slumber.

I rose and bolted, then watched the moon lumber.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I ran to catch up with the day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then I stopped; some clouds swept the moon away!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apologies, verse and images by E.V.A. Lambert (c) 2017 Rapture Practice! Publications

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

2 Comments

Filed under Latent Poetic Tendencies, photography

Note to Self: Relax

Kendra recently mentioned she makes ToDo lists. We laughed remembering a meme that declares keeping lists signifies the beginning of the end – essentially of youth. During the conversation I shared my journey from Daytimers, ToDo lists (itemized, color-coded and annotated), alarms in my phones to Post-It notes to myself.

I revisited that conversation today.

While inadvertently avoiding a particularly unpleasant section of my work this morning, I found myself rummaging through old memories. I confess, I became angry. It’s what I want to evoke in readers, but I felt like I was losing too much time over the passage.

Soon I realized I’d been dusting the bike tires. Clearly I’d derailed.

About then it occurred to me, I determine my deadlines. I can do this.

As Hope frequently reminds me, I’m remarkably human. Being human makes each of us unique and we all move at our individual paces – usually forward. Trying to be perfect for the first half of my life, this came as a shock to me. Sure, I often appear to be taking longer growing up than the next person. But now that I’ve given up trying to be like anyone else I deliberately celebrate the liberty to take life as it happens.

For instance, prioritizing tasks is not so unforgiving anymore. On the surface leaving dishes until morning may seem gross. Seriously, I can live with that being my darkest housekeeping secret. And dressing. I practically live in flannels (or jeans) and hoodies. As you gasp with shock also consider that all the amazing information constantly churning around in my head can be exhausting, so I sleep when I’m tired. And I wake when I’m rested. Another perk to being me.

So, to enjoy life more and miss less I use ’em all: I set phone alarms, mark calendars, make lists and write notes to myself; white boards, black boards, and Post-Its everywhere. What’s more, I eventually notice them.

Today, in tribute to Kendra, while I return to my work, I’m sharing some of my Notes to Self from my first months here at home. Alarms not required:

  • Computer reminders while I work:
    • Drink water. (repeats every 2 hours for 8 hours)
    • Use bathroom (also repeats every 2 hours)
    • Stand and move (repeats every 90-minutes after water is consumed)
  • Notes around the cottage:

  

“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom” Psalm 90:12 (NLT)

22 Comments

Filed under A Door Ajar, Notes from the Apex

Benched

Today was a first. Delighted to find I had an internet signal I began exploring Hulu – in the morning.

I’ve been benched.

benched-pixabay

But I regress. In the editing process I cut numerous details from my previous posts; the whining – you’re welcome:

  • hammering axes to the breaking point chopping logs – hard on muscles and tendons,
  • the arabesque leaps generated by snow-covered ice – interrupted by plummets into the same,
  • breaking less graceful falls, straining my arms,
  • learning the easy, shocking way the wire on the pasture fence was hot,
  • wood burning stove: seared, burnt and scalded hands, arms and ankle (don’t ask about the ankle),
  • innumerable bruises and scrapes – my favorite resulting from a log bucking into my shin.

Suffice it to say this body’s taken a beating this winter.

Yesterday I was rapidly approaching my limits with the ongoing cold. I developed a plan. I thought it was ingenious:

remington-limb-trimI’d carefully use my little electric chain saw to cut logs and fill one wood bin. Ambidextrous, I thought surely I could do that without further injuring my right arm. Once prepared for a few more weeks of extreme cold, the weather will certainly warm immediately. Things always seem to go that way. Right?

So, now compensating for my gimpy right arm I’ve stressed my left arm and both hurt.

Later, shaking her head at me, Doctor Kendra simply said, “Stop. Doing. Everything.” And then brought me her sling that belts to the waist.

Note to self; texting and keying also involve the biceps.

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.”*

After doing only the most basic chores today, Kindle being uncooperative and books actually being too heavy, videos are my last hope for resting and allow the healing to happen.

The up sides:

  • Jogging in place during the many, many advertisements, my legs and lower torso will be in remarkable shape for spring,
  • I’m inspired with new story lines – spin-off ideas from trailers,
  • I’m now nearly an expert at processing wood and survivalist heating,
  • I saved enough money to buy a couple of cords of wood to repay Cole and the neighbor,
  • Though I feel vastly accomplished for having done it, I’m done cutting wood myself.
  • As I rest I can plan to make candle/pottery space heaters to keep me snug till spring.

Oh, and I’m refining my cell’s Speech-to-Text vocabulary.

Happy blogging, friends!

“Come to me, all you who work and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 (NLT)

* Psalm 62:5 (NLT)

Images courtesy Pixabay and Home Depot

7 Comments

Filed under A Door Ajar, Notes from the Apex

Understanding Helen

I broke my coccyx. Sure, I could say tailbone, but honestly, how often in life do we get to use the word coccyx? Yes, on Christmas Eve 2016 I experienced the full impact of the saying, “… like moving the furniture in Helen Keller’s house.”

slippery-pixabay

*

On the night before Christmas Eve we all prepared for my first visit with extended family for the whole weekend:

Know that, like a true sister Kendra excels at seeing past my mess and makes herself at home in my apartment. She lived here with Cole and the boys, so she knows the layout and gets altered priorities (like saving rinsed dishes in the sink until it’s full and worth running water till it’s hot). Even so, Cole hiding Christmas gifts in my place put a slight hitch in my giddy up. For Christmas Eve-Eve Kendra and I planned some girl time together to wrap the gifts she also hid here. I moved small furniture around (including my desk chair) to give us space and lessen the chances of her seeing anything she shouldn’t yet.

morning-coffee-pixabay

*

With the altered routine and too excited to sleep well, I was slightly disoriented the next morning despite two world-class lattes. At one point I decided to chance having an internet signal to check the weather forecast and be certain I packed appropriately. Surprised to see I had a strong signal, and I’ll admit I got side-tracked, I took a moment to scan my inbox. I began easing myself onto the chair – that wasn’t there.

I’d give anything to have the video as my derriere kept lowering – long after it should have touched the chair that’s most always perfectly in place; the look of confusion-giving-way-to-panic realizing I was falling alarmingly fast toward the concrete floor, and then the hard bonk-jar and the ultimate, graceless bounce as my legs spayed before me.

Assured no one witnessed my ridiculous landing, I was glad to know my floor was clean enough that my lovely skid was without any annoying dust/soot residue on the seat of my black jeans. I realized the level of pain in my posterior forecast a very clumsy, inelegant present me meeting the extended family.

Forever the writer, I quickly began giggling over the scenario despite the agonizing bolts shooting from my nearly freezing fanny as I cautiously turned to lift myself from the floor.

I immediately decided to share the experience with Kendra, which actually required walking it off toward the main house. Certain I’d fractured something, but delighted I actually could walk, I was giggling hysterically by the time I made the back steps. Stepping up with a more intense shot of pain I prayed, “Lord, please help me not throw a wrench into our Christmas and help me through this.” I imagined His perspective of my recent event and laughed even more.

Fortunately Cole was out checking the truck so that between us girls, Kendra soon fully understood what had happened. In rare form I poured on the humor. Despite her obvious concern she too began giggling as she poured a small coffee for me and laced it with some peach moonshine saying, “If your bags are in the truck this will help.”

They were and it did.

Roo & Kendra Christmas 2016

Roo & Kendra Christmas 2016

A week and three long days later, I’d confirmed nothing more could be done to help me. The hairline fracture pains me whenever I move. I often reflect upon Christmas in Washtucna and Sister-in-law’s concern. I explained why I moved so carefully. She understood my example clearly, “… You see, changing my routine can have the same effect as moving the furniture on Helen Keller…”

I was glad that by the time most of us sat at the large dining table playing Nerts, no one was troubled by my stance at the end of the table, or my audible groans each time I reached across it, alternating legs stretching out behind me for balance as I slammed my cards for points (we’re all serious card players). Aside from being especially careful navigating down the stairs to my room and despite the pain it was a wonderful weekend.

Though I never won a single game, I’m content with the abundant holiday blessings. Sure, I could have slowed down enough to look or feel for the chair in its usual place, but then again the fall could have done far more actual damage than it did. I thank God for humbling me – and slowing me down dramatically. Then there were the extra calories I burned standing and walking rather than sitting. Pain also forbade me from risking the frozen steps to tour the chicken house as the youngsters ski boarded the surrounding wheat fields.

washtucna-1 washtucna-2

As I turned 55 I lived in and worked for a 55-and-over community. Over those few years I often witnessed the damage a slight trip or fall can cause aging bodies. Granted, I have 7 – 12 weeks of discomfort to look forward to, but I clearly I am blessed and much better off than I have any right to be. Slightly less nimble than I ever was, but abundantly blessed.

Besides, I can now play the sympathy card at my discretion.

donut-pillow-amazon

 

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” James 1:2-4 (NLT)

*Images courtesy Pixabay

Donut pillow image courtesy Amazon

22 Comments

Filed under Notes from the Apex

Router

 

So, for weeks my scant three-year-old laptop has challenged me (above and beyond security settings that block many WordPress cookies) – or so I thought. Turns out I have a defective router that’s been disrupting not only the phones, cells but the WiFi. …annnd tech support can’t swap it out for two more days.

*Sigh* At least today I can enjoy a sense of humor about it all.

I need a walk!

 

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” James 1:2,3 (NLT)

Video clips used with permission, courtesy of YouTube: Meet the Robinsons and Miss Congeniality

14 Comments

Filed under Notes from the Apex

Upgrades

laugh-face-statue-at-china-3239x2153_60195

Erin and I started this morning laughing at ourselves.

More than ever we realized that as life changes some things remain the same:

A negative plus a negative equals a positive.

I intentionally leave things out of place to annoy myself so that I’ll remember to address that task. Obsessive almost to the point of Compulsive Disorder, for years this worked for me.

Erin and I both practice this technique but routinely pick up after one another resulting in, “where in blazes is my stuff?!

Everything Old is New Again.

Sure, shortly after I arrived here I yukked it up when Erin placed the vintage flip-calendar by the television set. I remember thinking, “She’s so old school. My cell is the best organizer ever…”

20160601_110005
Several forgotten appointments and two months later, we both appreciate the gleaming chrome calendar daily. And yet we only today noticed step-by-step instructions to operate the calendar that anywhere else would be intuitively obvious:

20160601_110025

20160601_110036
20160601_110115
20160601_110125

After Two months of turning the calendar thrice daily (once away and then twice toward) it has become our daily inspirational reminder:

 

Food Processor

Making cole slaw for Sunday dinner, Erin asked Ellie to grate some baby carrots.
“No problem,I’ll have it in a minute.” the younger, techno-savvy sister replied. She immediately began taking the 1980’s food processor from the cupboard. Ten minutes later, she was still looking for one part to enable the grating device.
Meanwhile, Ellen wordlessly took the cheese grater from among the other vintage devices displayed on top of the cabinets and began grating the carrots with it.

Fifteen minutes later, Ellie called to Mom, “Where is the pin for the food processor?” After a few more moments Mom replied, “Honey, I haven’t used it in so long I honestly can’t remember. I just use the flat grater that’s in the utensil drawer”

From a few feet away Erin smiled silently as she put the completed slaw in the refrigerator.

From my seat at the island counter I swear I heard Erin thinking, “Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius.”

“History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new.” Ecclesiastes 1:9 (NLT)

Images courtesy ABSFreepix and E.V.A. Lambert
Roadrunner Clip courtesy Youtube

10 Comments

Filed under Notes from the Apex

Frank, My Dear

 

Like so many of life’s mysteries, we don’t know why our new house guest chose us. First appearing from within a bookcase while we were shooting darts, we deduce the vibrations from the target (being on the same wall) may have caused some dismay. Having duly apologized for any upset, Frank hid again before anyone got a photo, so the actual debut is not documented. The staff away for holiday, the oversight has been attributed to Hot Toddies and is thus not entirely unseemly.

2016 01 01 Frank

 

Not to appear discourteous, without formal introduction we have presumed to call our little friend Frank.  This seems acceptable.  Not overly exercised in decorum, we noticed our guest all about the lower level of the house, most recently at the central stairwell.  Most remarkably Frank finds neither the cold, ceramic tiles nor the stone hearth objectionable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2016-01-01 FrankWe researched the internet vastly and learned Frank is a Green Anole lizard, and while apparently too young for us to be certain, Francine may be a more appropriate name. Feeding upon smaller creatures that may present us more inconvenience, we bid Frank a most hearty welcome and good morrow!

 

 

4 Comments

Filed under Notes from the Apex

Jingle Bells Humor

For my sister, Maggie, with whom I laugh – a lot:

one horse

What is the “Jingle Bells” horse’s name?

 

…Wait for it…

sleigh bells

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Bob

horse laugh rian

Happy Holidays, Y’all!

 

“A cheerful heart is good medicine…” Proverbs 17:22 (NLT)

 

 

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, (NLT) copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Right Click, Roo!

wireless-computer-mouse-garyrabbit

The WordPress Reader has become my newest obsession. It not only presents vast fields to explore, with prey for Blogging U: Commenting Boot Camp, but offers a wellspring of refreshing prompts. It also spares me time and a minute degree of panic over a full inbox – all without missing a post.

Comically, I upgraded to Windows 10, the same morning our Wi Fi service provider changed. This process goes smoothly for everyone else in the technical world, but not so much for me, not today. Both factors combined complicated my Reader experience today – I’m going with that story.

What I learned in the experience: as instructed on Blogging U, Day One, right click on the link to open in a new tab. Simple enough. Right? And yet, with frequent, sporadic Wi Fi feed interruptions all morning I forgot. Again. And again. My one free hour was seriously not enough time!

it guyNo worries. IT Guy assures me he will resolve the problem quickly – probably before lunch.

 

Still waiting… Hmmm… Maybe I’ll clear my schedule.

 

Meanwhile, I must return to work – offline.

 

Happy writing!

4 Comments

Filed under Notes from the Apex

Advice From a Farmer

Advice From Farmer

For a magical moment on the balcony this afternoon, Roan read aloud. Remarkably, of all the stuff on Facebook, the following spoke to her loudest. I researched a good part of the afternoon and found the credits as follows. I hope you enjoy the piece of Americana.

Advice from An Old Farmer

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
Most times, it just gets down to common sense.”

 

Best I could ascertain the above is from “Rural Wit and Wisdom” by Jerry Apps. A compilation of sayings and advice from farmers in the heartland. This collection of Old-Timer wisdom tells the story of heartland people who work their farms, give back to their communities and appreciate the little things in the same way they have for generations.

Courtesy Fulcrum Publishing

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized